a world without dads.
a meditation on Father's Day in light of Homer's Odyssey.
Almost ten years ago, at the edge of becoming a dad myself, I got a call in the middle of the night. I woke up to the last buzz of the phone on my nightstand, but when I tried to answer, nobody was on the other end of the line. I noticed I had five missed calls from my mom. Never a good sign.
Over the next hour, I learned that my father had a massive heart attack and had been rushed to the hospital for surgery and treatment. My brother was living in our garage at the time, so I woke him up, we got in the car, and began the six hour drive home.
We didn’t say much on the drive, but when the traffic lights would wash over our faces, you could see them shimmer across silent tears.
My dad’s father was an absentee alcoholic.
A career Army man who married a Puerto Rican woman, my grandfather had a boatload of kids and then lived as a hollow man. I have a hard time listening to stories of my dad’s childhood because they break my heart. My dad, like a lot of kids whose dads aren’t in the picture, threw himself into sports. He became a great pole vaulter who went to college on a track and field scholarship. But his dad never showed.
I tear up thinking about my dad, with ears way too big for any twelve year old’s head, just standing on the court looking for his dad’s face in the crowd. A face he knew he wouldn’t find.
My dad is not an absentee alcoholic. He was there. He was present. He broke the cycle.
Like many others, I’ve been re-reading The Odyssey. Homer’s epic is a classic for many reasons, but one of the things I’m discovering on this read is how it depicts a fatherless home. In Odysseus’ long absence, his home specifically and his land (Ithaca) generally have fallen into chaos. Towards the end of the book, just before Odysseus and his reunited son Telemachus restore order to their home, someone describes the situation saying, “Riot rules the day.”
A world without dads is a world in which riot rules the day.
Fatherless boys don’t know how to steward their strength. Look at Telemachus, Odysseus’ son. At the beginning of the story Telemachus look at his family’s home, overrun with lustful suitors looking to steal away his beautiful mother, and he laments: “I cannot fight against them, I would be useless. I had had no training. But if I had the power, I would do it.”
Telemachus has never known a father. Odysseus left when he was a baby to fight in Troy and he has not yet returned. So, in the face of unchecked wickedness, Telemachus can’t summon the strength or the courage to address the evil running rampant in his world.
A world without dads strips good boys of courage and leaves bad guys unchecked.
By the end of the epic, Telemachus is strengthened. With his sword strapped to his back and his bronze spear in his hand, having been reunited with his father, the son now looks out at the lawless plague upon his home and country and says boldly: “I’m alive to it all, now, the good and the bad—the boy you knew is gone.”
In a world without dads, boys never grow into men.
But this hasn’t been my world. I am a man. I’m alive to it all, now, the good and the bad. Because my dad refused to be lawless in his life, he passed me the baton and he pointed me towards the finish line. Given the gift of grace, my father dared not presume upon it, but instead, strode across the foundation of forgiveness in pursuit of virtue.
He broke the curse of the past. He changed the future.
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” - Exodus 20:12
This articles doesn’t end with “15 Ways to be a Good Dad” OR “The 10 Different Lessons for Dads from Homer’s Epic.” If you want another life hack list-ical, you’ve clicked on the wrong link.
Here is my witness: Good dads change the world.
If you had a good dad, give thanks.
If you are trying to be a good dad, keep going.
If you had a bad or absent dad, bring your grief to God.
If you feel like a failure as a dad, we all do - don’t give up.
I don’t want a world without dads. No one does.
Kyle Worley is a pastor, teacher, and author. His books are available wherever you get your books. His book Home with God: Our Union with Christ is 25% off this week at the Bezos bookstore (and only $5 on Kindle). The book he co-authored with his father, The First Five: Beating the Odds and Thriving as a Ministry Leader, is now available for preorder.
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